your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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