Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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