he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
