One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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