ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
