he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
