The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
