Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
