Please, let me fuck your mom
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have fence marks all over my body
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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