I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
