Your face is a jimmy john
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize