Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
