So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
