Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
