Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
