It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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