Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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