I didn't shave. On purpose
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
