The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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