The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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