So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize