My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
