Life is so much better after having sex.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Randomize
