when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
