He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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