i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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