Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
