he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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