This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
