Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
