So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
