dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
