i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
