I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
