so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
