If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
