DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
