Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
