i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
