I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
