Pappa wants mamma naked
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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