you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
