i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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