Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
