and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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