meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
