i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
