dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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