Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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