and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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