so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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