The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
