Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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