let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
