WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
