fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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