Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
