I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
