I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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