I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
