There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
