i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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