I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
