a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
