She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
