Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize