he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
ugly people sure do ruin things
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
