Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
