Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
