Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize