I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
